The Boy Who Cried Bear

We just returned from a fabulous four-day family vacation to the Great Smoky Mountains - our first official family vacation as a family of 4.  We spent all day on Tuesday exploring the Cades Cove area of the park and both Sam and Libby kept their eyes open hoping to spot a bear. Sam, being his usual self, cried "bear" several times and we would all look and... no bear. Later in the afternoon as we were leaving the park, Sam cried "bear" and this time there was one. It was from a distance and through the trees, but definitely a bear. Okay Sam, we believe you now. You'd think this would have cured him from the "Look there's a bear!" joke. But it didn't. He made us look so many more times.

After we returned back to our cabin on Tuesday evening, we headed to the pool. We had only been there about half an hour and Sam had to walk up to the clubhouse to the restroom. On his way back down to the pool, he was at it again, "There's a bear up here." Yeah right, son. "No, seriously Mom there's a bear." By this time I am giving him The Look. There was one other lady at the pool with us and I couldn't believe he was fooling around like this in front of a stranger. "That's enough, son." And then... I made eye contact with Sam and I could see it in his eyes. This wasn't a joke. He quickened his pace to come over to where I was. In the meantime, the woman at the pool was on her feet looking and she said "He's not kidding!" The pictures above prove that.

We watched this bear (from behind a fence) for about 15 minutes or so. The bear watched us, we watched him, then he sat and scratched and lazily walked on down the hill and into the woods. What a memorable day for Libby's first family vacation!

She gets it.

A few nights ago, just around bedtime, Libby passed by me in the living room and started her stomp up the stairs and made this comment, "Everybody was happy and had fun 'til I came to live here." Whoa. Come back here young lady! Where in the world did this come from???

Apparently she and Sam had been looking at photo albums earlier in the day. No big deal, right? Well... let me explain.

Okay, I'm going to confess something here. We have more photo albums of Sam than we do of Libby. Sam was an only child for 11 years. So yes, we do have like a gazillion pictures of him all printed out and neatly arranged and labeled in albums. Most of these were taken back in the days of 35 mm cameras, so I was diligent about getting my rolls of film developed. Fast forward to the age of digital cameras. I have taken hundreds of pictures of Libby and the rest of the family in the last 18 months since she's been home. BUT - most are still on the camera, memory card, or saved to flash drive or disk. I do have some printed off and I do have pictures displayed everywhere in our home of Libby. I have been very purposeful about framing and displaying pictures of Libby, even making sure I have equal numbers of her and Sam on display. BUT - I haven't taken the time to make photo albums. And I should have. I am going to. Like this weekend.

You see, Libby had spent an hour or so pouring over all these tangible reminders of a close, happy family. And Sam was reminiscing and I think she just got sad. She's expressed that it really bothers her that she doesn't have baby pictures of herself. Plus, you know what family pictures look like. We're all smiling and having fun. I had to pull up the pictures that I have taken recently of Lib and our family and show her that we're all smiling and having fun in those pictures too. Just like we are in the pictures with Sam.

Somehow our discussion (now it's like 11:30 pm) turned to television families. And we talked about how real family life is not like TV and the movies. We watch a lot of retro sitcoms like The Cosby Show, Full House, Leave it to Beaver, etc. And no, we are definitely not the Cleavers. Out of curiosity, I asked Lib what TV family does our family resemble or more specifically what TV mom am I like? Yes, it's a loaded question. She said, "Mmmmm, Caroline." Caroline Ingalls, from Little House on the Prairie. I'm liking this! Until, Libby said, with a mischievous grin, "Well not exactly, you're not that good a cooker." So true. But then, she said, "Really, you're like the mom on Home Alone." Oh? "Yeah, Kevin was mean and she punished him like you do..." Yep, I'm a firm, tough mom. "...and then she forgot about him..." Yep, my family jokes about my short term memory. "...but when she couldn't find him, she was goin' crazy and would do anything to get home to him 'cause she loves him so much." YES!! She gets it. She. Gets. It. When all is said and done, after the drama and when the tears have dried, I honestly think she knows. She knows in her heart the amazingly deep love I have for her. My daughter. My Libby.

Birthday Girl

Here's the Birthday Girl with her favorite present this year... Makeda: the Queen of Sheba. Lib loves dolls so when I found this website http://www.ethidolls.com/ I just knew she'd love it. And she did!

We had a great outdoor party to celebrate her special day. My girl requested hot dogs cooked over a campfire, a flower garden cake, and watermelon (no ice cream -still too cold for her liking) and we had a homemade pinata for entertainment!

Per Libby's request the party was just a small family gathering, but later in the week she attended her first sleepover and had a blast!! Our summer is off to a great start!

Dreams and Realities

This week has been one of many emotions. It's our one year anniversary of being home with Libby. And while that is certainly reason for happiness and celebration, it's also a sad time for Libby as she still grieves and misses her family in Ethiopia.

While we have had a few rough patches this year, for the most part we have been really blessed when it comes to bonding and attachment. I feel really good about where we are now. Really good. But with that being said, we still have moments like this...

Saturday night I was in Libby's room helping her lay out her clothes for church the next morning. And out of the blue she got an attitude like you wouldn't believe! Picking a fight really. Well, children don't argue with parents in this house. I refuse to get sucked into a power struggle. So I chose her dress for Sunday and laid it out for her to wear. End of story. Or so I thought. I was on my way out of her room, when I heard her mumble, "I want to go back to Ethiopia. In Ethiopia there is none of this fussin' over clothes. Someone else picks your clothes and you wear it. In Ethiopia, nobody cares what you wear."

So I turned around, scooped her up off the floor (which is getting more difficult now that she's about 55 lbs) , held her in my lap and addressed the real problem. This week we received 3 new books in the mail about Ethiopia. They're bilingual and she loves them! She read them in Tigrinya and Amharic and I read them in English. She was so happy to get these. We also had been looking at pictures from Ethiopia earlier in the day, and she's been busy writing a letter to one of her friends who was also from the same orphanage in Ethiopia but now lives in America. Plus, we had been talking a lot about our trip planned for next weekend to her favorite Ethiopian restaurant in Nashville. It was Ethiopia overload this weekend and understandably had triggered an emotional response.

We then talked for a long time - about her sisters mainly, especially her oldest sister that took care of her after her parents' died. She misses them so much and worries about them too. But after we had talked for a while, the tears dried as quickly as they came and she hugged me unprompted and said, "Thank you, Mom."

Then as I helped her straighten up her room, she said, "Sometimes when we're playing and having fun, I think I am dreaming. I think I'm still in Ethiopia and I'm havin' a dream."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

And Libby replied with a huge smile, "Because no place could be really like this."

Just like Hannah Montana

Charles was working out of town all last week when we had the big snow storm. As soon as he got home on Saturday, Libby couldn't wait to play with her Dad in the snow (what was left of it anyway). They had a great time, mainly having snow ball fights.


When they came in from playing, Libby said the most curious thing. "Birhan had fun playin' in the snow with Dad. Libby had fun the other day and today it was Birhan's turn." I asked her what she meant. She said, "You know, I'm just like Hannah Montana. "


So do we have innocent pretend play here? Is this an identity crisis in the making? Or typical identity questioning for an adopted child? After all, in a way she is like Hannah Montana. She's got two names and she's had two different lives that are very different from each other. But unlike Hannah, we're not trying to hide one of those identities.


We so want our daughter to have the "best of both worlds." We embrace Lib's Ethiopian heritage. Ethiopia is talked about daily in this house. I never want my daughter to lose that part of who she is. She will always be Ethiopian and I want her to be so proud of that. And she is, right now. But the reality is, we don't live in Ethiopia. We live in rural white America where even the nearest Ethiopian restaurant is 2 1/2 hours away. And yes, we have relationships with others who have adopted children from Ethiopia but is this the same as having friends and relationships with other adult Ethiopians? And even if we did have those relationships, that still doesn't change the fact that she had a very different life before coming to America. There are still family members and friends in Ethiopia that she misses terribly.

As a parent, and especially as an adoptive mama, I feel it is my job to help my child feel confident about who she is. Who she is as an Ethiopian. Who she is as an American. Who she is as a daughter and sister and cousin and friend. But most importantly, I want Libby to know who she is in Christ - a child of God, chosen by God, loved by God, forgiven by Him and empowered by the Holy Spirit! If she can be confident in these things, the rest will come naturally.

I didn't realize.

Christmas sure exceeded Libby's expectations. She has been one happy little girl! I can't tell you how many times Libby has said this over Christmas: "Mom, I didn't realize that Christmas would be like this. I didn't realize that Santa would really come. I didn't realize it would really snow on Christmas. I didn't realize, Mom. "

Neither did I, sweetheart. I didn't realize what joy you would bring to this family. I didn't realize what a generous heart you would have. I didn't realize that a little girl could have such strong faith. I didn't realize how smart, talented, beautiful, and courageous you would be. I didn't realize how our journey to you would change my life. And had I only realized, I would've searched for you much sooner.

One Year Ago...

December 21, 2009

The day began early. Sam and I picked up my niece, Alexis, and headed to our local Rescue Squad building to meet with other families from our church. We planned to sort toys into Christmas baskets for needy children in our town.

I'll have to say my mind wasn't completely on the task at hand. Today was our court date. While we were sleeping, a judge in Ethiopia had determined if we would be granted the honor of being Birhan's parents. I was a nervous wreck waiting for the news. We did manage to sort toys for a couple of hours before I graciously bowed out so I could go home and check my email. I was optimistic. I rationalized that no phone call was good news. Because if the news was bad, surely CHI would call. But of course their office was closed for the holidays... But they did promise to notify us about our court date...

Sam, Alexis, and I rushed home and I couldn't get my email pulled up fast enough. And there it was. In my inbox was the best email I've ever received. Just in time for Christmas. The subject line stated, "Elizabeth Birhan is yours!" Tears of joy flowed. I instantly called Charles at work and we cried together. Finally, we have a daughter.

While the kids and I were eating lunch, the phone rang. A lovely representative from A Child Waits Foundation was on the line. She was calling to notify us that we had received an older child adoption grant from their organization. God has perfect timing! We could now enjoy the holidays knowing that Charles would be able to travel to Ethiopia also. Without this grant, I would've had to travel to Ethiopia alone for Libby. This grant covered the airfare for both Charles and myself.

And because we have a God who does exceedingly beyond all that we could ever dare to ask or think, we received another call later in the week. A family that we were acquainted with wanted to meet us on Christmas Eve, they had a gift for us. Okay, I thought. Not really knowing what to expect. This generous family gave us a large cash gift to help with our adoption expenses. I was blown away. It was enough to cover the additional escort fees that we had to pay to fly Libby (and her birth sister for court) from Mekelle to Addis Ababa.

So the one thing that I have worried about during this adoption process , $$$$$$$, God had it covered. In His perfect timing, he took care of it all. We would be traveling to Ethiopia in February, and our tax refund would almost to the penny cover Libby's airfare to America and our guest house expenses. And even when a snow storm caused us to change our flights, our pastor showed up at our house in the snow to give us an envelope of cash. It was a last minute gift from members of our church. It perfectly covered the fees to change our flights.

God's provision is perfect. If He is calling you to adopt, please step out in faith. He will be with you every step of the way. He has a heart for orphans. He will provide.